Angry Wasps

We have a wood playset in our backyard. Calfgrit8 saw a couple of “bees” under the upper level floor, so, being the superhero that dads are, I was sent out to confront the danger.

Now, I’ve been stung by bees and wasps a few times through my life, so I know how bad they hurt. I have a very healthy respect for the stinging insects. You might say I have a fear of them — they make me a bit jumpy.

So when I was looking around the playset, I was on a hair trigger. The boys hung around me, despite my asking them to stay back, and this caused me extra trouble. I didn’t want to be distracted by kids under my feet, and I didn’t want to knock down a child if I jumped back at seeing a bee six inches from my face.

Eventually, I got the boys to stay back far enough from me that I probably wouldn’t trample them when I ran screaming like a little girl. I didn’t see any bugs, but I did find a tiny paper wasp nest in one corner. It was so small it only had three holes in it. I easily scraped it away.

Then I found a round hole in one board of the playset. The hole was on the narrow side of the board, facing down. I examined the hole closely, terrified that a wasp would crawl out at any moment, land on my face, and sting me in the eye. I determined that this hole must be a wasp (whatever variety it is that makes holes in wood boards – there is one, I just don’t know its exact species) construction.

I pointed the hole out to the boys, and as I stood there wondering if spraying wasp killer up into the hole would do any good (and if it would render the playset off limits for the boys for the rest of the day), Calfgrit4 said, “How about if you stuck something in the hole so they can’t come out?”

That’s pretty smart for a 4 year old. And to show him how smart he is, I did that exact thing. I went in the house and got a small piece of paper.

Back outside, I rolled the paper into a semi-tight roll, and inserted it into the hole, as far as it would go. And as I pushed it in, I had visions of a wasp or twelve pushing it out and climbing out to attack me in mass.

We left the paper and the playset then, and played ball around the yard. A few minutes later, I checked on the paper. I could hear the wasps inside the board buzzing angrily from three feet away (although the recorder only picked it up from 12 inches):

For someone already very nervous about the whole thing, hearing those bugs growling like that, like they were totally pissed off and wanted nothing more than to sting to death the asshole who plugged them up, nearly make me tremble.

So I sent Calfgrit8 into the house to bring out the duct tape. He did so, and I taped over the hole, securing the paper inside. And that was it for the day.

I really hope those wasps can’t dig/cut their way out. My nervousness won’t subside until they stop buzzing. How long to wasps live without food? Please let them die soon.

Bullgrit