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Turning in my Computer Geek License

As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve got to get a new computer. My old computer (now with a dead motherboard) was 5 years old. At the time I bought it, I made sure it had all the features and functions I needed for everything I wanted to do then, and for upgrading to anything that I might want to do in the next few years. It served me well.

I used to be the family computer guru. When anyone in my immediate or extended family needed help or advice or answers about their computers, they called me. But over the past few years, my ability to help them has diminished considerably.

The other day, with my dad, he asked me what the difference was between 5GB vs. 512KB RAM. I explained, of course, the difference between a gigabyte and a kilobyte, and then I also said he was actually, though, looking at two different things about the computer. Obviously, the 5GB was a small hard drive (maybe a secondary something?), rather than RAM like the 512KB.

This weekend, I started looking at new computers. One of the first things I found was RAM measured around 3-7 GB. Holy crap! My old computer started out as 512KB, and I upgraded it a couple years ago to 1GB. Now they come off the shelf at 5 GB?!

Reading the spec sheets for new computers is like reading gibberish, to me. What the hell are all these names and numbers? Looking at the port setups on these new computers is like looking gazing into the Far Realm.

The first computer I looked at had five ports on the front. One was a USB port, but I haven’t a clue what the other four ports are. I know of nothing that fits their size and shape.

Twenty-five years ago I could strip down a computer box to its separate components, and then take apart the individual components, and then put them all back within 30 minutes. Ten years ago I could pick out specific components by specific manufacturers and install them all myself. Five years ago I could talk intelligently with computer salespeople and understand their guidance on the best components, and I could check their installation work for quality. Now, I’m completely freakin’ lost with computers. Oh my god!

The spec names and numbers make no sense, the physical components confuse me, and my world is crumbling around me. Technology has outpaced me. I’m behind the computer knowledge curve. Way behind. I feel . . . old.

Gray hair? Looks kind of cool.

Need eyeglasses? Well, OK.

Don’t understand basic computer jargon? OMG!!1!1!!! I’M DYING!!!one!!

What’s next? I’ll tell the neighborhood kids to get off my lawn? (But it’s newly sodded!)


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