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Star Trek

Viewed: Theater

I said I wasn’t going to bother seeing this movie. But my friends all told me it was good. Really good. Even outside my circle of friends, every review and mention I’ve read or heard about this movie said it was great. Even fantastic.

So, I went to see it. I shouldn’t have. I hate it. I should have trusted my own personal gut instinct.

I’ll give props to the idea of using a time travel plot creating a paradox to explain the “reboot” of the series. That concept is a good way to avoid rehashing the series, and lets writers not worry about matching everything to the known Star Trek history of the future.

But every other plot device and piece of plot logic just utterly fails for me. I’ve mentioned in other recent reviews how plot holes and logic failings hurt my enjoyment of a movie, especially when those failings are the core drivers of the story. Well, Star Trek’s foundation is built on these kinds of not-thought-through problems.

One such core plot piece in this movie is that Kirk goes from cadet non grata to permanent captain of the Star Fleet flagship in one freakin’ day. One day! Apparently, being overly cocky gets Star Fleet cadets promoted over all other experienced officers, and awarded the prestigious flag captain’s seat above all other senior commanders.

And there’s lots of other pieces of twisted, ridiculous plot logic that the movie plot relies on. For instance, red matter is so powerful that a single drop can create a black hole, yet a small, one-man science ship carries a 5-foot diameter sphere of the stuff. A Romulan mining ship has greater firepower than a Federation warship. (Yes, the mining ship was from about 150 years in the future, but still it’s a mining ship.) A star can go supernova with no warning. A black hole close enough that you can see it huge in the sky isn’t close enough to harm you.

And what the hell is with all the bright back lights and lens flares? Damn but that got annoying.

About halfway through this movie, I considered getting up and walking out. I just couldn’t find anything to like in this show. But, unfortunately, I was sitting in the middle of the row, with 3-6 people between me and either aisle. So I continued to sit there and subject myself to further brain damage.

This is the third craptacular movie I’ve seen in the theater this year. All three franchises should have been slam dunks for Hollywood to please me, but all three have completely failed for me. But then, with all the rave reviews this new Star Trek movie has received by everyone but me, maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m far too hard to please.

But my peers have also panned Wolverine and Terminator. This is the only one of the three that I am the odd reviewer. <shrug> I now, officially, give up on modern Hollywood — the writers just don’t think their shit through.


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