Spanish Breakfast

“I have an idea,” said Calfgrit3, “let’s go to IHOP.”

He often calls out “I have an idea” when he wants to suggest we go to a restaurant. This time, we all agreed an IHOP breakfast would be great. We got dressed, loaded up, and went to the restaurant.

It was early enough in the morning to beat the heavy crowd (before 9:00), but we could see a few people standing around in the foyer waiting. I parked the mini van and we went inside to put our name on the list. When I stepped up to the host/hostess stand, there were a couple of couples just finishing a conversation about the wait time. One of the groups sitting on the foyer bench asked, “Another twenty minutes?” “Yes,” was the answer. One couple told the host they were leaving and he could remove their names from the list.

The newly arrived couple just in front of me added their name to the wait list. They told the host their names, and the host had them write their names on the list themselves. That’s odd, I thought. When they finished and stepped away, I asked the host what the wait time was, and he said, “Twenty minutes.”

I don’t know what the problem was that I heard the end of as I walked up, but twenty minutes was not too long for us to wait that morning. I told the host my name, and he had me write my name on the list. Ooookay. I don’t think my drawl is that bad, but maybe it’s just easier for him — he was obviously Mexican, with a heavy Spanish accent.

I left Cowgrit and the Calfgrits in the foyer to wait while I went across the street to put gas in the van. When I came back, less than ten minutes later, Cowgrit informed me that they hadn’t called any names yet. She and the boys were sitting in the outer foyer, an area separated by doors from the main foyer, where the host stood, and the outside. I went to the inside foyer and stood off to the side for a minute.

The host called out a name that I couldn’t really understand. He called it out again. There were only four groups in the inside foyer, and none of them answered to the name he called. When no one answered, the host called out the next name. There was a mic for the external loudspeaker right beside him, but he didn’t pick it up. That would explain why Cowgrit hadn’t heard any names called. If this guy was only calling out the names to the small crowd in front of him, he was missing the other two-thirds of the waiting customers — including us.

I stepped up to the host and suggested he call the name over the loudspeaker. He said, “Yes,” and did so. I looked down at the wait list in front of him and noticed how badly he was mangling the name he was calling. His Spanish accent was so thick, the people he was calling probably wouldn’t recognize hearing their own name. I didn’t understand him, and I was standing there looking at the written name.

When those people still didn’t answer (no surprise), he called our name. Actually, he called out some strange word that I couldn’t understand. The only way I knew he was calling my name was because I was standing right beside him looking at the wait list. He had his finger pointed at our name as he called it.

“That’s us,” I said.

“OK,” he said. As he started gathering the menus and napkin-wrapped silverware, I stepped into the other foyer to tell Cowgrit.

The host handed his stuff to another host, and this second guy lead us to our table. As we took our seats, I mentioned to the second host, “No one can understand what that host up there is saying. He’s garbling all the names he calls out.”

“Sorry,” he said, “he doesn’t usually do that up there.” Then he left our table.

Cowgrit mentioned, and I realized it too, we got our table before a few groups who were there before us. We figure he called their names and either mangled their names beyond their recognition, or didn’t call them on the loudspeaker so they didn’t hear him at all. Had I not been standing right there beside him, seeing his finger pointing to our name on the sheet, I wouldn’t have known he was calling our name. And we wouldn’t have heard him through the door since he didn’t use the loudspeaker.

Fortunately for us, we only waited ten minutes, but there were many groups back out there who were probably in for a very frustrating wait, indefinitely.

The table service and the breakfast food was good, so our experience was fine. But we were lucky to even get a seat, apparently.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com