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Daddy Can’t Read

We were on a family outing for the evening, and Calfgrit7 was sitting beside me showing off his latest Pokémon cards. Cowgrit had bought him a new pack of cards since the last time we played the game, so most of these were new to me. I was trying to read them, but I didn’t have my new glasses with me.

I could read the hit points and attack damages, barely. But for the attack descriptions, I had to hold the card about two feet from my face, and shift it just right to get good lighting on it. God, getting old sucks.

Then CG7 pointed to a part of the card I was holding and asked, “How does this power work?”

I pulled the card closer to my eyes, I held it away from my eyes, I shifted it this way and that to get lighting, and then tried reading, “Lustrous Orb. If . . . an . . . Active . . . Pokemon . . . has . . . Weakness . . . to . . . water . . . type, . . . Palkia’s . . . attacks . . .”

“You want me to read it for you?” my second-grader asked me.

How freakin’ pathetic am I? “Thanks, but no,” I said. “I can read it. Just give me a minute.” I finally did finish reading it, and I explained it to him. (I gave him my best guess, anyway, as I’ve never seen this kind of power on a Pokemon — it’s not a Poke-POWER or a Poke-BODY.)

When we got home, after the boys went to bed, I pulled out that card from his stack left on the kitchen counter. I put on my reading glasses and tried to read it again. Holy geez, but it’s difficult for me to read that tiny writing even with my glasses on. The next time I play Pokemon with him, I’m going to need a magnifying glass at hand.

It’s sad for me to think that being able to read the dag-blame game cards are going to start being an obstacle for me to play games with my boys. Do I need to petition Pokemon to make special large print versions of their cards?


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