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Star Trek

Viewed: Theater

I said I wasn’t going to bother seeing this movie. But my friends all told me it was good. Really good. Even outside my circle of friends, every review and mention I’ve read or heard about this movie said it was great. Even fantastic.

So, I went to see it. I shouldn’t have. I hate it. I should have trusted my own personal gut instinct.

I’ll give props to the idea of using a time travel plot creating a paradox to explain the “reboot” of the series. That concept is a good way to avoid rehashing the series, and lets writers not worry about matching everything to the known Star Trek history of the future.

But every other plot device and piece of plot logic just utterly fails for me. I’ve mentioned in other recent reviews how plot holes and logic failings hurt my enjoyment of a movie, especially when those failings are the core drivers of the story. Well, Star Trek’s foundation is built on these kinds of not-thought-through problems.

One such core plot piece in this movie is that Kirk goes from cadet non grata to permanent captain of the Star Fleet flagship in one freakin’ day. One day! Apparently, being overly cocky gets Star Fleet cadets promoted over all other experienced officers, and awarded the prestigious flag captain’s seat above all other senior commanders.

And there’s lots of other pieces of twisted, ridiculous plot logic that the movie plot relies on. For instance, red matter is so powerful that a single drop can create a black hole, yet a small, one-man science ship carries a 5-foot diameter sphere of the stuff. A Romulan mining ship has greater firepower than a Federation warship. (Yes, the mining ship was from about 150 years in the future, but still it’s a mining ship.) A star can go supernova with no warning. A black hole close enough that you can see it huge in the sky isn’t close enough to harm you.

And what the hell is with all the bright back lights and lens flares? Damn but that got annoying.

About halfway through this movie, I considered getting up and walking out. I just couldn’t find anything to like in this show. But, unfortunately, I was sitting in the middle of the row, with 3-6 people between me and either aisle. So I continued to sit there and subject myself to further brain damage.

This is the third craptacular movie I’ve seen in the theater this year. All three franchises should have been slam dunks for Hollywood to please me, but all three have completely failed for me. But then, with all the rave reviews this new Star Trek movie has received by everyone but me, maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m far too hard to please.

But my peers have also panned Wolverine and Terminator. This is the only one of the three that I am the odd reviewer. <shrug> I now, officially, give up on modern Hollywood — the writers just don’t think their shit through.


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15 Responses to Star Trek

  1. brogrit says:

    so now, maybe, you will consult with me before going to see another movie…i’ve told you twice before…..and now….another ten bucks and 2.5 hours gone….when will you learn…..my next movie(just as a heads up, and my review to you the last time was spot on)….transformers….next tuesday. yes tuesday, or actually, 12:01 wed. morning. will be buying tickets in the next couple of days…..review to come….

  2. Grant Niemeyer says:

    Huh I was told the same thing so far by everyone. I still havn’t spent the dough to see it partly because of the cost and hard to find a sitter for that late. Plot holes aside was it an enjoyable movie? Was the acting any good? Did they nail the actor=character role? Thats my biggest concern in a movie If the person playing the character nails the role Plot holes can be overlooked even though they really mess with my head.

  3. Bullgrit says:

    @brogrit: I will not bother with Transformers. Hollywood has struck out with me this year. I have no faith in the writers.

    @Grant Neimeyer: The acting was fine. The characters were hit and miss. I think the misses were all due to the writing, and the hits were due to the acting. The actors tried, the writers didn’t care.

    Was it an enjoyable movie? Not to me. At all. When the basic premises of the plot make no sense, I just can’t get into the movie.

    This was a teenage action movie. All style, no substance.

  4. michelle says:

    You have just cost yourself (literally and figuratively) the enjoyment of watching Transformers because of other stupid films that any smart individual could have told you were not worth the time (yes I just called your brother smart)…and if you do go watch Transformers don’t you dare write a blog listing all the things you consider horrible about it!! I know where you live and action will be taken…
    you really should stop…if you can’t even enjoy making fun of a bad flick then you really should just not watch movies at all

  5. brogrit says:

    well, im sure that after i see transformers….then give you the go ahead, you will go see it. but…..let’s wait till next week for that.

  6. Bullgrit says:

    Wow. You’re both soothsayers when it comes to identifying what movies will be good and which will be bad.

    But you wait till after I’ve seen the movie, and posted my thoughts here, before telling me your prediction.

    Tell me, should I rent Taken or Alexander? Have you seen either of them? Would I like either? Share your predictions.

  7. Webbra says:

    Maybe you are losing your nerdiness?

  8. michelle says:

    Haven’t seen either but that’s simple you will have problems with both of them! You will watch one or both and then find every little thing about them that bothers you…
    Alexander ( I assume the one with Colin and Angelina) you will probably pick apart the war wounds and scars constantly changing on people, the carrying of one weapon and then a second later a totally different weapon, and the historical inaccuracies such as I did with the movie 300
    Taken you will most likely find it too unrealistic, the actions of Liam Neeson will be too contrived, the daughter will annoy you with her stupidity, dried blood stains on fresh wounds, characters disappearing that were just in a previous shot, etc…
    but if I had to suggest one out of the two movies listed, I would suggest Alexander before Taken

  9. Bullgrit says:

    “the historical inaccuracies such as I did with the movie 300”

    That’s funny. I loved 300 (even bought it on DVD). I didn’t watch it as a historical movie; I watched it as a fantasy — and as that it was excellent.

  10. brogrit says:

    i would watch taken. actually going to, just havent yet. i wasn’t real impressed wth alexander…

  11. michelle says:

    Well by all means listen to your brother and watch Taken because I obviously don’t know what I’m talking about when it comes to movies…like i said, haven’t seen either and probably won’t

  12. michelle says:

    oh and as for the historical inaccuracies of 300, I didn’t pick them out of the movie I was subjected to listen to the criticism of another about the movie…similar to the way you overanalyze movies

  13. Bullgrit says:


    I liked Taken. It had a few bits of the standard Hollywood formula, but I enjoyed it enough.

    Alexander, I ended up fast forwarding through most of it looking for interesting parts. It was mostly boring to me.

    It’s really funny how much you rake me over the coals for giving a detailed review of a movie. Maybe you’d rather I just post:

    “[Movie Name]

    I didn’t like it.


  14. brogrit says:

    BUT!!!!!! you have seen taken. so, that proves, if you listen to me, you may actually like the flick. so far, two movies you have not liked…. i have had no desire to see(star trek and terminator)….the movie i said was fantastic(transformers) you liked as i did. i want to see taken….you liked the movie!!!! SO! ONE MORE TIME!!!! CONSULT WITH ME BEFORE GOING TO SEE A MOVIE….i’ll save you time and money!

  15. michelle says:

    As i say with your brother…i give up!
    Do whatever it is that seems to make you happy…i just don’t care anymore

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