Headbutt of Love

One of the worst things we inadvertently taught our boys was the “loving headbutt.” You know how when you’re loving up on someone, and you lean your head forward or to the side to gently touch theirs? Our Calfgrits learned this little gesture too well.

I’ve seen them do it properly: hug and gently touch heads. But much too often I’ve seen them do it with a little passive-aggressive intention to strike each other without looking like they’re hitting.

If Calfgrit8 gets frustrated with his little brother, he’ll hug him a little tighter than necessary, and then give a headbutt as punctuation on the thought, You make me mad!

If Calfgrit5 doesn’t get his way with his big brother, he’ll lean forward and headbutt him just enough to pass loving and score as a hit, but not so far as to actually hurt him and draw a reprimand.

It never crossed our minds how they might take and use our little loving gesture. We had no idea it would turn into a way to cover an attack. It’s especially frustrating to us when the first headbutt draws a fist hit or foot kick in retaliation. It’s hard to scold both when one says, “I was just hugging him!”

Like true, close brothers, they’ve managed to turn a kind, gentle, and open-hearted embrace into a concealable weapon.

Bullgrit