Viewed: Theater

I only vaguely remember the Transformers cartoons and movie from the 80s. The nostalgia factor for me is present, but it is pretty low. When I first heard of this movie being made, I had little expectation of anything good. I planned to see it when it was released, but it would be light fare for a Saturday afternoon. But when I heard that Steven Spielberg was the producer, my hope for it to be actually decent, increased. Spielberg doesn’t make crap movies.

In the past couple of months, I watched the trailer a dozen times. It looked really good. My hope increased a little more, but I still didn’t expect it to be great. Then I got one quick review from someone whose movie opinion I trust—he had seen it at its midnight opening. I actually started getting excited about the possibilities of it being good.

The start of the movie had me worrying. Having a narrator explain the back story rarely leads into a good present story. The notable exception is Lord of the Rings.

I’m so glad this movie didn’t get cut down to less than two hours like so many others are now days. The two and a half hours for this tale is long enough to cover the story without dragging anything out too much. I was never for one minute bored. The story is told, and the robots kick each other’s metal butts.

99% pure Awesome! All during the movie, and so far for the past several hours after leaving the theater, I’ve thought this movie was one the best I have ever seen. And I’m not one to throw around such strong accolades for movies easily. I’m actually known for being pretty hard to please with movies.

The writers did an excellent job of updating the story for the 21st century. They explained the robots’ history and abilities sufficiently (though not completely). The CGI is amazingly believable, as are the human actors. A couple things irked me a bit, like helicopters chasing at street level, but these were molehills compared to the mountains of absolute coolness.

I will see this movie again in the theater, and I will buy the DVD. I can’t remember a movie in the last ten years that so excited me during and after viewing.

There are three short scenes after the credits start rolling, all within the first couple minutes or so. The first two are just for laughs, but the third might be a hint of a future plot. There’s nothing at the very end of the credits.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

Viewed: DVD

This is the 1951 classic that nearly every sci-fi fan knows of but few have actually seen. I’ve known of the movie’s title, Gort the robot, and the words “Klaatu barada nikto” for as long as I’ve known anything about science fiction. As a kid, I occasionally read sci-fi magazines, and I marveled at the images from famous sci-fi movies. I knew what Gort the robot looked like, and what movie he was from, but I knew nothing about the actual movie story. Now I do.

A flying saucer comes to Earth and lands in a Washington DC park. The military moves in and surrounds the space ship, and excitement fills the city. It doesn’t bode well for a serious movie—and this is apparently supposed to be a serious movie—when the first things I note about the situation make me laugh.

The military has surrounded the ship with armed soldiers, tanks, and artillery pieces. The fact that the military has tanks and artillery pieces in point-blank range of a target is funny enough, but “surrounded” is the notable word in this set up. Ever heard of a Polish Firing Squad?

And then we have all the civilians standing behind the police line, just a couple yards behind the guns. If the space ship backfires and startles a soldier, the death toll would be staggering.

But anyway, in all seriousness, the space ship opens and a spaceman with a fishbowl helmet and silver unisuit comes out with an unknown object in hand. A scared soldier shoots the spaceman in the shoulder. Then Gort the robot comes out.

Gort is ominously quiet as he stiffly steps, one foot after the other, down the ramp from the ship. His visor raises and he shoots a ray at all the weapons around the ship. Guns disintegrate in soldiers’ hands, artillery pieces disappear, and tanks glow long enough for the soldiers to escape, then they too disappear. Gort is badass.

The spaceman is taken to Walter Reed Hospital for medical attention, and he turns out to look completely human. His name is Klaatu, and he has a message for all mankind. A serious message.

Klaatu quietly escapes from the hospital without event, and surreptitiously gets a room at a local boarding house. He then just goes about observing humanity while trying to find a way to get all the governments of the world together to hear his important message at the same time. Most of the movie is non-sci-fi—it’s a mild thriller with a global-political message: stop with the nuclear weapon cold war.

It’s all kind of a disappointment, really. I was fully prepared to accept goofy special effects, but the “serious message” really caught me off guard. It’s almost comical, in retrospect, considering how mild the nuclear war threat was in 1951 compared to how things got by the end of the Cold War. In 1951, the threat was what, a few major cities might get destroyed? By the 1980s, the threat was global total annihilation.

Meh. I’m glad I watched it so I can finally say I know exactly what the movie was about and what it was like. But sadly, the knowledge is nothing to brag about.

And for those who don’t know and are wondering, “Klaatu barada nikto” are the words that must be spoken to Gort to prevent him from going on a rampage.

Bullgrit bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

I just saw the “redline” version of the online trailer for Superbad. This trailer had me laughing out loud; I must and will see this movie. Even if every funny part of the movie is in this trailer, I’ll pay to see the hour and a half version of the trailer.

It’s from the “the guy who brought you” Talladega Nights and The 40 Year-Old Virgin. Ironically, I was not really entertained by Virgin, and I haven’t seen Talladega. For some reason that I can’t quite put my finger on, Virgin just never clicked for me. There was something that just failed for me. The wife and I turned it off about two-thirds the way through it, and never bothered to finish seeing it. And Talladega Nights, well, there’s a story there. It is a movie I want to see, and have wanted to see since it came out on DVD. But I have this emotional obstacle with Blockbuster about Talladega Nights.

Several months ago, Blockbuster called my wife and said that Talladega Nights was a week overdue for return, and if it wasn’t returned within another week, we would be buying it. It was not a bad or rude phone call. It was all polite and routine for them — all part of their “no late fees” deal. But the thing is, we never rented it.

I called the store to check on this situation and found that it was rented on my Blockbuster card. I told them that I had not rented it, and the store manager was very helpful. He went through a list of movies we had most recently rented to make sure there wasn’t other wrong stuff. The list was accurate other than Talladega Nights (but the list revealed me to be a big geek). He asked if I had loaned my card to anyone, a friend or family member. He asked was my card missing. No to both. He told me the date and time of the rental, and after the conversation I realized that I wasn’t even in town at that time.

The manager said that the store would “just eat this loss,” and they’d reset my account and send me a new card. It turned out all well and good. But I felt guilty for the problem because I had no way of proving that I didn’t rent the movie — especially since everything else on the card was accurate.

So now, although I’d love to see Talladega Nights, I feel a pang of guilt about doing it. Will it set off any alarms with Blockbuster? Is there a note on my account? Will I get the hairy eyeball from the clerk? Of course none of this will happen, but still, it’s kind of a strained thread in my relationship with Blockbuster.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

Viewed: DVD

The 1975 Holy Grail of comedies. Monty Python one of best comedy troupes ever; they are silly, ridiculous, silly, hilarious, and silly. This movie is quintessential Monty Python, and Monty Python is quintessential British humor. The story is about King Arthur gathering up his knights (ki-niggits, as the French taunter calls them) and questing for the Holy Grail.

I first saw this movie in the early 1980s, and it had me and my friends in stitches the entire time. I used to have a cassette tape of the audio from this movie, and I played it in my car for innumerable hours over the years. This week, I bought the DVD. The quality (or lack there of, as intended) and humor stand the test of time.

For Dungeons & Dragons players, this movie is essential viewing — some piece of dialogue can fit just about any D&D gaming scenario, and I’ve never been in a D&D group that at least some players would not recognize the reference. If you play D&D, you should watch this movie; your gaming experiences will be enhanced.

The king and his knights (I can’t help but think, “ki-niggits,” every time I type “knights”) travel about pretending to ride horses while their henchmen clap coconut halves together to make the riding sound. There’s even a long discussion, in the movie, about this gag. They have individual and group escapades:

• Sir Galahad the Chaste being tempted by 150 naughty girls “between the ages sixteen and nineteen and a half.”
• Sir Lancelot responding to a message for help and mistakenly slaughtering a wedding party, “Very sorry. I just get so worked up.”
• The whole clan fleeing from a vicious, little white bunny.

There are so many gags in this story, short one-offs and extended or repeated multiple parters, that it really doesn’t do the movie justice to just mention a few. If you like silly humor, especially in the British style, you will love this movie. If you don’t, this movie will do nothing for you. It is either laugh out loud hilarity, or it is sit with a non-expression, wondering what any idiot could get out of it.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com