“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”
— Stuart Smalley

Back when I first moved into an apartment on my own, around 21 years old, I didn’t have an answering machine. This was around 1988-89, and answering machines were not ubiquitous like they are now. Many homes/families had one, but they were still relatively new. The very first message I ever left on an answering machine, when I called my best friend, whose family had just gotten one, was of our toilet flushing. Yes, it was as funny as I thought it would be.

The first few months in my own apartment, I kept thinking about all the calls I was missing without an answering machine. So I saved up some cash to buy one. I was very excited when I hooked it up and left my outgoing message — I expected to never miss a message ever again.

No one ever left a message. Either no one was calling while I was out, or no one cared to say anything when I personally didn’t answer their call. I couldn’t believe no one was calling me. Come on! Why was no one calling me? I got calls while I was at home. Eventually I came to accept that the answering machine was a waste of money — I wasn’t missing any calls while I was out. I just wasn’t as popular as I had deluded myself to believe.

With my old blog set up, I knew people wanted to comment on my posts, but with my simple HTML page arrangement, they couldn’t. So I finally got around to setting up some real blogging software, with lots of functionality (like comments), because I wanted to read all the comments I knew people wanted to make on my posts.

Just like with my first answering machine, I’m discovering that no one really is wanting to talk to me. Although, unlike with the early answering machine, I can actually tell that people do come here and read the blog. So I can keep deluding myself that this blog is a popular read.

[Actually, I don’t mind. I’m not writing all this stuff and junk to get comments. It’s just that the comparison to my old answering machine situation was funny.]

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

A friend forwarded a questionnaire titled, “Who Are You”. It’s full of questions that supposedly tell something about you, but really they’re just simple trivia about yourself that might be interesting to compare between friends. Here are the questions with my answers — and explanations:

* * *

Place an X by all the things you’ve done and remove the X from the ones you have not. Answer the 30 questions at the end and send it to your friends.

This is for your entire life!

(X) Gone on a blind date
– Back in high school. A double date with a friend. I don’t remember anything about the date or the girl.

(X) Skipped school
– In college, but never before that without my mom’s permission (once or twice).

( ) Watched someone die
– Never a person, but my dog of 15 years died in my arms.

(X) Dated two people at once
– I actually dated three girls at once for a short period of time. None were serious, exclusive, relationships for either of us.

( ) Been to Canada

( ) Been to Mexico

(X) Been to Florida
– Why Florida? Why no other state?

(X) Been on a plane
– Many times.

(X) Been lost
– Has anyone never been lost?

(X) Been on the opposite side of the country
– What about those folks living in the center of the country?

(X) Gone to Washington, DC
– I want to go back and see the Smithsonian museums again.

(X) Swam in the ocean
– Many, many times. I spent many weekends at the beach in my youth.

( ) Cried yourself to sleep
– I’ve cried, like any human being, but never fell asleep while doing it.

(X) Played cops and robbers
– And cowboys and Indians, and war.

(X) Recently colored with crayons
– I’ve done this with my children, but really, everyone should revisit this activity even without children.

( ) Sang Karaoke
– I don’t sing.

( ) Paid for a meal with coins only?
– I said “no” here, on the assumption that “meal” meant something like sitting down at a restaurant. I’ve had a pack of nabs for lunch before, and used coins in the vending machine — surely the question didn’t mean that kind of “meal”?

(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?
– This is too vague and open to say anything about oneself.

( ) Made prank phone calls
– I’ve been with friends who made prank calls, but I’ve never been the caller, myself.

(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
– Coke.

(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
– Unless they’ve never been in a snowfall, surely everyone has done this at least once.

( ) Danced in the rain
– I’ve run around and played in the rain, but never actually danced.

(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
– Is there anyone who never did? Even once?

(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe
– My senior year in high school, I actually took a branch of mistletoe to school one day and got a few dozen kisses.

(X) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about
– Yes.

(X) Blown bubbles
– Another sure “yes” question.

( ) Gone ice-skating
– Never been on an ice rink, or on a lake frozen enough to support my weight. It just don’t get that cold for long enough in the South.

( ) Been skinny dipping outdoors
– I’ve never understood the allure of this activity.

(X) Gone to the movies
– The question writer isn’t even trying to come up with good questions.

(X) Played D&D
– OK, there’s a good question — one I didn’t expect on such a general list.

( ) Ever hit a girl?
– Despite some girls abusing this double-standard.

( ) Told a lie to your partner just so you wouldn’t have to hear them gripe
– I don’t lie. Believe it or not.

( ) Thought at some point in your life you would develop super powers
– Not seriously. I’ve thought about how cool it would be, but I never really thought it would happen.

( ) Would do your life over if you could
– I’ve invested 40 years in this life so far, I don’t want to have to start over. Now, if I were nearer the end (say in another 40 years), I might consider this a good/fun option.

Mother’s name? XXXXX

Any nickname? Well, there’s “Bullgrit”

Favorite drink? Cherry Coke (Coke with grenadine) — haven’t had it in over 5 years

Tattoo? None

Body Piercing? None

How much do you love your job 1-10? 7 — I like it, but I can think of jobs I’d like better

Birthplace? Land of Dixie

Favorite vacation spot? A beach

Ever been to Africa? No

Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Yes — they’re not just for breakfast

Ever been on TV? No — and have no desire to be

Ever steal any traffic signs? No — but I found one in the woods in my old neighborhood

Ever been in a car accident? Yes — was hit by an 18-wheeler at a railroad crossing (really — but the result wasn’t as bad as the set up sounds)

Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? 4 door

Favorite salad dressing? Honey mustard

Favorite pie? Chocolate chess

Favorite number? None

Favorite movie? Many — no favorite book question?

Favorite holiday? Thanksgiving — get together with family without worrying about presents (giving or getting)

Favorite dessert? Cookies — but really, anything sweet

Favorite food? Steak — love me some beef

Favorite day of the week? Saturday

Favorite brand of body wash? Don’t care — although Cowgrit has got me used to Caress

Favorite toothpaste? Crest — I do care about what taste I put in my mouth

Favorite smell? Newly mowed grass — but I don’t enjoy mowing the grass to get that smell

What do you do to relax? Sleep/lay down — naps are little pieces of heaven

How do you see yourself in 10 years? Can’t be answered in one word/sentence

Furthest place you will send this message? How far away are you?

Who will respond to this the fastest? brogrit

* * *

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

“I have an idea,” said Calfgrit3, “let’s go to IHOP.”

He often calls out “I have an idea” when he wants to suggest we go to a restaurant. This time, we all agreed an IHOP breakfast would be great. We got dressed, loaded up, and went to the restaurant.

It was early enough in the morning to beat the heavy crowd (before 9:00), but we could see a few people standing around in the foyer waiting. I parked the mini van and we went inside to put our name on the list. When I stepped up to the host/hostess stand, there were a couple of couples just finishing a conversation about the wait time. One of the groups sitting on the foyer bench asked, “Another twenty minutes?” “Yes,” was the answer. One couple told the host they were leaving and he could remove their names from the list.

The newly arrived couple just in front of me added their name to the wait list. They told the host their names, and the host had them write their names on the list themselves. That’s odd, I thought. When they finished and stepped away, I asked the host what the wait time was, and he said, “Twenty minutes.”

I don’t know what the problem was that I heard the end of as I walked up, but twenty minutes was not too long for us to wait that morning. I told the host my name, and he had me write my name on the list. Ooookay. I don’t think my drawl is that bad, but maybe it’s just easier for him — he was obviously Mexican, with a heavy Spanish accent.

I left Cowgrit and the Calfgrits in the foyer to wait while I went across the street to put gas in the van. When I came back, less than ten minutes later, Cowgrit informed me that they hadn’t called any names yet. She and the boys were sitting in the outer foyer, an area separated by doors from the main foyer, where the host stood, and the outside. I went to the inside foyer and stood off to the side for a minute.

The host called out a name that I couldn’t really understand. He called it out again. There were only four groups in the inside foyer, and none of them answered to the name he called. When no one answered, the host called out the next name. There was a mic for the external loudspeaker right beside him, but he didn’t pick it up. That would explain why Cowgrit hadn’t heard any names called. If this guy was only calling out the names to the small crowd in front of him, he was missing the other two-thirds of the waiting customers — including us.

I stepped up to the host and suggested he call the name over the loudspeaker. He said, “Yes,” and did so. I looked down at the wait list in front of him and noticed how badly he was mangling the name he was calling. His Spanish accent was so thick, the people he was calling probably wouldn’t recognize hearing their own name. I didn’t understand him, and I was standing there looking at the written name.

When those people still didn’t answer (no surprise), he called our name. Actually, he called out some strange word that I couldn’t understand. The only way I knew he was calling my name was because I was standing right beside him looking at the wait list. He had his finger pointed at our name as he called it.

“That’s us,” I said.

“OK,” he said. As he started gathering the menus and napkin-wrapped silverware, I stepped into the other foyer to tell Cowgrit.

The host handed his stuff to another host, and this second guy lead us to our table. As we took our seats, I mentioned to the second host, “No one can understand what that host up there is saying. He’s garbling all the names he calls out.”

“Sorry,” he said, “he doesn’t usually do that up there.” Then he left our table.

Cowgrit mentioned, and I realized it too, we got our table before a few groups who were there before us. We figure he called their names and either mangled their names beyond their recognition, or didn’t call them on the loudspeaker so they didn’t hear him at all. Had I not been standing right there beside him, seeing his finger pointing to our name on the sheet, I wouldn’t have known he was calling our name. And we wouldn’t have heard him through the door since he didn’t use the loudspeaker.

Fortunately for us, we only waited ten minutes, but there were many groups back out there who were probably in for a very frustrating wait, indefinitely.

The table service and the breakfast food was good, so our experience was fine. But we were lucky to even get a seat, apparently.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

I was asking someone if I could mention something about an event regarding them in a post, and the response was a no, “I’m more private than you.” No is fine, but it was the “I’m more private” part of the answer that made me think.

I’m a very private person. Even though I post about things in my daily life, I’ve never posted anything that I wouldn’t tell someone in casual conversation. I mean, sure I wouldn’t talk about the vomit eruption at a dinner party, but in an appropriate situation, I could tell any story from this blog.

First off, I’ve never mentioned my name or the name of any family member. (Actually, I think I once mentioned my aunt’s first name.) I’ve never even mentioned what city or state I live in — how’s that for staying vague? This blog, though it often talks about stuff happening in my life, is not like a “reality” TV show. I’ve not opened my full life and home for strangers around the world to watch. What I’ve written about in this blog is maybe 1% of what happens in my life. It’s the 1% that I chose to talk about. Although most people who read this blog don’t know who I am, a few do — friends and family — and I don’t want to say or reveal anything that would embarrass me the next time I meet those friends and family.

I’m a very private person. I don’t make friends quickly — going from acquaintance to friend takes a good deal of time. I don’t have the seemingly common urge now days to be famous or be known. If a million people were to read this blog, and the name Bullgrit became a household word, that’d be great. But I’d be very happy to stay personally anonymous behind the name.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com