America’s Funniest Videos Moment

At the bowling alley birthday party, there was a moment I’m glad wasn’t actually caught on video. Most of the kids were around a table watching Calfgrit7 open his gifts, with Cowgrit, her mother, and another mom watching over them all.

Calfgrit3 was at the bowling ball return trying to pick up a ball. I was heading over to help him, and I passed one of the little girls of the party who had wandered away from the group and was standing alone twirling back and forth, swinging her arms out. I was looking at Calfgrit3, fearing he’d hurt himself with the ball, so I didn’t really notice the little girl. Well, I did notice her; I just didn’t note how her arms were swinging about.

As I passed the little girl, she started swinging her arms back at full wind up. . . pow! Ka-ching! Right in my . . . .

I stumbled half in surprise, half in pain. Calfgrit3 was forgotten momentarily while I watched all the pretty stars flashing in my eyes. I turned around and staggered back to the party table. I got Cowgrit’s mother’s attention and pointed with my thumb at Calfgrit3. She hustled off to attend to him.

Cowgrit and the other mom at the table looked at me with confusion and concern.

“What was that?” the other mom asked.

“Did you trip?” Cowgrit asked.

“No,” I said with a catch in my throat.

I really didn’t want to talk about it right then, especially in front of the kids and the other mom. And the stun hadn’t yet fully worn off, anyway, so words were difficult.

“Did you hurt your back?” Cowgrit asked.

I shook my head no.

“Oh,” said the other mom, “I think I know what happened, but I’m not going to say.”

The kids were engrossed in the gift unwrapping, so they weren’t aware of the discussion.

“What happened?” asked Cowgrit.

One of the other dads approached, and said, “The little girl was twirling and swinging her arms. I think she hit him.”

“Oh,” said Cowgrit, now realizing why my face was a little twisted up. “Are you all right?”

“No,” I said, “but I’ll walk it off.” I tried to walk around a little, because that’s supposed to help with such injuries.

The other mom commented, “I’ve never seen a real man get hit like that. I mean, I’ve seen it on TV, but I’ve never seen what it’s like in person.”

“Yeah,” Cowgrit said, “I just saw him jerk and stumble. I didn’t even see him get hit.”

She offered to help me, but I waved her off so she could continue with the party. I just kept walking around for a while. The shock wore off quickly, but the “stinging” continued for several minutes.

It’s hard to describe the feeling of that kind of injury. “Sting” isn’t really an accurate word. It doesn’t sting like a cut or slap. It’s more of a stun. Bad hits will take a man to his knees immediately, and moderate hits (like this instance) will throw you off balance. I haven’t had a solid hit to the jewels in a very long time. I’ve had some glancing blows, that make you stop what you’re doing to evaluate the situation. But this was the first full-on tag I’ve suffered in many years.

You see these hits all the time on shows like America’s Funniest Home Videos, and yes they make everyone chuckle, including me. But when you’re the one taking the hit, there’s nothing funny about it. Until the next day. Now, I can laugh.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com