Phoning It In

*Ring ring*

Hello?

<Hey, this is Bullgrit.>

How ya doin’ old man?

<Good, good. I’m a bit tired though.>

Really? Why?

<Came home from work, mowed the lawn (first time this year), then ran errands, then went over to my mother’s-in-law house and did some painting.>

“Mother’s-in-law? It’s not “mother-in-law’s”?

<The house belongs to “mother” not “law.”>

You sure?

<Look, I’m calling in to say I can’t post today. I’m really tired and need to go to bed.>

But you have to post something, you got fans.

<Fans? You mean “fams,” as in “family.”>

No, seriously, you know people read this site. You see the numbers every day.

<Yeah, yeah. I know people read this site. But I’m really tired. Can’t you post something for me?>

Like what?

<I don’t know, put up a picture or something. I’ve taken a ton of photos. Grab something out of the folder where I download all that stuff.>

You need to go through that folder and delete a lot. You’ve got some pretty stupid, mundane crap in there. You have a blurry shot of a toy lighthouse surrounded by toy dinosaurs. You have a picture of a tobacco field. You have a picture of . . . what is that? Poop on the kitchen table? That’s disgusting.

<Heh, yeah. That’s actually rolled up gingerbread dough. I thought it was a funny shot.>

Yeah, I’m sure it’s funny, to someone. And what’s this picture? Your shadow on the ground with . . . what are you holding that looks like you have a . . . never mind, I don’t want to know.

<Oh, that one, yeah, that one’s funny.>

Did you really take and keep these pictures? I mean, really.

<Yeah, I took ’em. They seemed fun and funny at the time.>

Hey, here’s a good one. You, your oldest son, your brother, and your father. It’s a good pic, but you’re all holding guns.

<Calfgrit8 ain’t holding a gun. I do like that picture, but we look like a bunch of rednecks standing in that field.>

Well, it is you and your family.

<Hey! Watch the mouth. We’re good ol’ boys, not rednecks.>

Sure, okay, if you say so.

<Now look, did you just call me to insult me and my family?>

I didn’t call you, you called me.

<Oh, yeah. That’s right. I called to say I don’t have time to write up a post tonight.>

In the time you’ve taken to whine, you could have written a post.

<Alright jerk, I didn’t have to call you. I could have just left the site hanging.>

Well it’s not like you’ve never just phoned in a post before.

<You can . . . wait, what? That’s, like, backwards. Or something.>

Go on to bed, ya wuss. I’ll deal with the post.

<Huh? I’m lost now.>

I’ll post something. Don’t worry about it.

<Um, okay.>

I’m on it. Go to bed.

<Um, alright. Thanks. I’m tired.>

Yeah, I know. *click* Slackass.

Bullgrit