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Mother of Boys, Mother of Girls

Our neighbors asked us if we could watch their little girls for half an hour or so, while they go to an appointment. We said, “Okay, send them on over.” My wife was out of the house at the appointment time, so I ended up the parent in charge. (That’s not a problem, for the record.) We went out into our backyard to play.

The girls are 5 years old and 2 years old (compared to my boys of 6 and 3). The kids started out playing on the play set, swinging, climbing, sliding, etc. Then my 6 year old wanted to play football. Over the next 20 minutes, six balls of various sports and sizes were being thrown, kicked, and caught. The 5 year old girl was game right in there with the 6 year old boy, and the 3 year old boy was trying to keep up. The 2 year old girl was calmly picking up and carrying balls outside the more active play.

I chased the kids, the kids chased me, and we had a grand time until I just needed to sit out the action. Soon, the kids all settled down to play with cars on the patio, in relative quiet. They played this way for about 10 minutes, and then they got up for more ball play.

They’d been running around for about five minutes when the girls’ mom came over to pick them up. She came into the backyard and we talked for a couple minutes while the kids continued playing. The kids would throw balls to us, run past us, and generally want to involve us in their “sport,” despite our trying to have a conversation.

It was pretty obvious, and ashamedly funny, that the girls’ mom was not used to such rambunctious activity. The throws and runs seemed to surprise her at times. My boys’ mom knows to at least keep heads up while boys are playing around her, so a ball thrown to her won’t startle her. I know I’m making a general, blanket statement based on one anecdote, and there are plenty of girls and moms of girls who don’t feel and look out of place in the middle of active outdoor play. But the scene played right to the stereotype; it looked like a sitcom.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

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The Devil Went Down To Pizza Hut

At around 4:00 yesterday afternoon, I decided to put on a Halloween face. I pulled out my Halloween prop box from under our bed, and went through my stuff. I then spent about 45 minutes trimming, gluing on, and touching up some bone-colored horns. I added blood to make it look like the horns erupted from my flesh, and to conceal the edges of the prosthetic; I let the blood run down my face in a few places. Some dark make-up under my eyes and under my cheek bones to give me a gaunt look, completed the work. The effect was pretty good for a quick job.

My 6 year old thought it was cool, my 3 year old was unsure. I talked with him and he understood that it was all make-up and pretend. “You know who I am, right?” I asked him.

“A monster,” he answered.

“I mean, who am I really?”

“My daddy.”

He got over the my weirdness within a few minutes.

My wife called Pizza Hut to order a pizza, and our 6 year old and I went to pick it up. I wanted to get out of the house in my make-up; what fun is it to get all freaked up and then just stay home? My 6 year old warned me, “Dad, I’m not sure what people are going to think when they see you. You might scare some people.”

“It’s alright,” I said, “people know it’s Halloween, so they expect to see people dressed up scary today.”

When we walked in the restaurant, the waitress made a big deal out of my look. “Whoa! I forgot it was Halloween!” she nearly shouted. Making a big deal out of it is fine. I’m used to, and expect, and want people to notice when I put on the whole freak face, but she just was a little more excited than I expected.

It seems that everyone in town orders pizza on Halloween night. There were nearly ten people waiting for their take out orders, and a couple tables of people eating in. I was the only one showing any evidence of the evening being Halloween. A couple people waiting for take out stared at me (again, I got no problem with it), and one woman asked me how I got the horns to stick on.

Later in the evening, while out trick-or-treating, I had many people comment on how real the horns and blood looked. All in all, the comments made me feel good about my Halloween make-up skills. I usually shun the spotlight, but on Halloween, when I’ve got my freak on, it’s fun to get attention.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

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Halloween

For the past several years, I worked at a company where Halloween is a major event. I really enjoyed Halloweens there. Ninety percent of the employees dressed up in some way, and most of the departments performed some kind of performance for a half dozen company officers chosen to be judges. Some employees disliked the spectacle, but most seemed to enjoyed it. Some appreciated the teamwork the performances engendered, and some just liked the half a day of goofing off and eating treats.

The first time I participated in the festivities, my department did “80s prom.” We didn’t have a performance or anything, and only four of the seven members of our department even bothered dressing up (in 80s styles). Most of our fellow employees recognized our theme and dress, but ironically, the judges didn’t get it. That proved to be that department’s last group effort for Halloween.

The next year, a couple of people in the department dressed up, but just as individuals. As a last minute decision, I dressed up in a full grim reaper costume. None of my friends at work new my intention, and no one knew who the guy in the grim reaper costume was. The whole morning I said nothing to anyone. I just walked around, in black robes, skull mask, skeletal gloves, and with a scythe. My silence freaked some people out. By being quiet and withdrawn, I was the talk of the day. The whole thing was really cool, and it hooked me on dressing up for Halloween.

The next year, I tried the “unknown Halloweener” gimmick again. I had a monstrous mask and a bloody heart in a box. I had wanted to have a red robe and cloak, but because of material (cloth) complications, I went with black again. Unfortunately, that made the costume too similar to the grim reaper get up I wore the previous year. Although it was a completely different theme, the black robes prompted a couple people to comment, “Didn’t you wear that last year?” And to add irony, I had a couple people ask, “What are you supposed to be?”

The next year, I gave up on hiding my identity, and just went with what I thought would be fun and challenging. I used face paint and prosthetics to become a devil. My face and hands were red, my hair, eyebrows, mustache, goatee, and fingernails were black, my teeth were painted to look pointed, and I had pointed ears and horns. It took me about three hours to get all made up for that day, so I made sure to wear it all day and night. My, then, nine month old son was in a “little devil” suit to match me.

The next year, I was a killer clown. I had white base face paint with colorful mouth, nose, eyes, and hair. My jeans and white sweatshirt were covered in splattered blood, and I wielded a bloodstained butcher knife. Interestingly, I freaked out a couple people in the office who have “issues” with clowns. I also made sure to stay away from the kids who visited the office that day—didn’t want to give them nightmares, or give them clown issues, themselves.

The next year, I was a bloody zombie. I bought a suit from Goodwill, rolled it around in the dirt and grass, put on a face prosthetic, for the decomposing look, and painted myself up a dead gray. The look was pretty good, but that was my first time putting on a full face prosthetic, so it was flawed.

The next year, I was Captain America. My, then, 4 year old son was Spider-Man, and he wanted me to dress up with him. I gave up the bloody and scary for that year, and I made my Cap’n A costume from scratch. I had a professional shield maker craft my red, white, and blue round shield. My mother-in-law sewed the mask and cowl. The rest of it was all my work, right down to painting the shirt with the star and stripes. I had a muscle suit on under the outer costume, to give me the comic-book-style exaggerated physique.

I wore the costume to work for the morning, took it off after lunch, and then put it back on to go out trick-or-treating with my son that evening. My son absolutely loved it, and that was probably my biggest thrill, so far, with trick-or-treating. I had kids and adults approach me and comment on how cool my costume was. That was probably my most elaborate costume, and it required the most effort to get together. The trouble it proved to be nearly broke me of the Halloween spirit, but for one day, I was Captain America, and I loved it.

The next year, last year, I decided to scale back the overall effort and just do something cool but limited. I put on a face prosthetic and paint to look like the skin of my face had been cut and peeled off. Full face paint and prosthetics are very difficult to do by oneself, especially just in a normal bathroom mirror. It takes a long time, and mistakes are hard to correct. I made mistakes and cut corners that time, and I was unsatisfied with the end result. I could have done better.

Now this year, I am no longer at that company, so I have no plans to put on any costume or face. This is a shame and a relief. It’s a shame because I did enjoy wearing the costumes and faces, but it’s a relief because topping each previous year was starting to wear on me. I’m thinking about putting on some horns or a mask this year for trick-or-treating, but if I do anything like that, I’ll just recycle something from a previous year. Wearing costume prosthetics is fun, but putting them on is work.

So, to any of my old co-workers who may read this blog, send me pictures of the office this year. And if anyone asks about me, tell them that I’m in the office as the invisible man.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

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Time Is Not On My Side

I was playing a computer game, and only intended to play till 10:00. There’re three clocks within site of my computer (not counting the one on the computer itself, which is not visible while in a game), but oddly, they didn’t agree. Two of them said the same time, but one said one hour later. I assumed the one was wrong, and the two were correct.

I played till 10:00 (by the two clocks I thought correct) and then closed the game. When I closed the game, I saw the computer clock—and it said the same time as the one clock I thought was wrong. Well, with two clocks saying 10:00, and two clocks saying 11:00, I wasn’t sure of the correct time.

Then I remembered that I hadn’t written my daily Bullgrit. Shoot. Before leaving my desk and going to bed, I had to write. It took me about 30 minutes, but I got it done.

I walked into the bedroom in the dark. My wife was asleep, so I didn’t want to turn on the light and wake her. In the wall mirror, I saw red, glowing letters, “h E l l.” It stunned me for a moment. I turned around and looked at the clock on my bed-side table. The red, glowing numbers showed 11:34. Okay, that was weird. I understand how my mind read it differently in the mirror, but still, that’s weird.

So that made it 3 clocks to 2 for it being 11:34 instead of 10:34. I didn’t feel like checking all the other clocks in the house to get a total vote at that time.

Okay, so I have nothing insightful to say about the situation, I just thought it odd.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

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