I’m Not a Divorced Dad

As you may know, my wife works, (as a maternity nurse), every other weekend. When she does, it’s just me and my boys all day, from wake up to bed time, Saturday and Sunday. Many times when I take them out somewhere, like to a restaurant or something, I feel that people look at us like I’m a divorced dad with custody of his kids for the weekend.

That’s actually a depressing feeling. But I know exactly why I feel that. I remember being with my dad on the weekends, when I and my brother were the ages my boys are now. Our dad was divorced, and had custody of us only on the weekends, and we’d go out to a restaurant for lunch and/or dinner Saturday and/or Sunday. In those days, (70s-80s), that was the only reason you’d see a family without the mom on a weekend. (At least that’s what I thought, at the time.) That experience apparently permanently set my thoughts on seeing a dad alone, out with his children. So when I see a dad taking his kids out to a restaurant, that’s the first thought I have of the situation — I assume he’s divorced, and just with them for the meal together. So, since I have that thought when I see that scene, that’s what I assume others see of me when they see me out with my boys.

And that’s crap. I don’t think the same when I see a mom out with her kids. I don’t assume she’s a single mom. And I don’t add the pathetic idea that she has limited custody, just for the day or weekend.

I hate that. Both the default thoughts I have, and the feelings I feel because I assume everyone else thinks the same as I do. It’s just stupid. I feel guilty for my thoughts, and I feel guilty for what I assume others think, (even though they probably don’t assume what I think).

I’ve found myself explaining to total strangers that I’m not a divorced dad. I find myself mentioning to the waiter that, “Mom is working today.” or “We’re giving Mom a little break tonight.” It’s an instinctual utterance, most likely completely unnecessary. The person probably didn’t think what I assume they thought, and even if they did they don’t care.

It’s strange how something so stupid can bother me to such a core level.

Bullgrit