I just saw the “redline” version of the online trailer for Superbad. This trailer had me laughing out loud; I must and will see this movie. Even if every funny part of the movie is in this trailer, I’ll pay to see the hour and a half version of the trailer.

It’s from the “the guy who brought you” Talladega Nights and The 40 Year-Old Virgin. Ironically, I was not really entertained by Virgin, and I haven’t seen Talladega. For some reason that I can’t quite put my finger on, Virgin just never clicked for me. There was something that just failed for me. The wife and I turned it off about two-thirds the way through it, and never bothered to finish seeing it. And Talladega Nights, well, there’s a story there. It is a movie I want to see, and have wanted to see since it came out on DVD. But I have this emotional obstacle with Blockbuster about Talladega Nights.

Several months ago, Blockbuster called my wife and said that Talladega Nights was a week overdue for return, and if it wasn’t returned within another week, we would be buying it. It was not a bad or rude phone call. It was all polite and routine for them — all part of their “no late fees” deal. But the thing is, we never rented it.

I called the store to check on this situation and found that it was rented on my Blockbuster card. I told them that I had not rented it, and the store manager was very helpful. He went through a list of movies we had most recently rented to make sure there wasn’t other wrong stuff. The list was accurate other than Talladega Nights (but the list revealed me to be a big geek). He asked if I had loaned my card to anyone, a friend or family member. He asked was my card missing. No to both. He told me the date and time of the rental, and after the conversation I realized that I wasn’t even in town at that time.

The manager said that the store would “just eat this loss,” and they’d reset my account and send me a new card. It turned out all well and good. But I felt guilty for the problem because I had no way of proving that I didn’t rent the movie — especially since everything else on the card was accurate.

So now, although I’d love to see Talladega Nights, I feel a pang of guilt about doing it. Will it set off any alarms with Blockbuster? Is there a note on my account? Will I get the hairy eyeball from the clerk? Of course none of this will happen, but still, it’s kind of a strained thread in my relationship with Blockbuster.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

Viewed: DVD

The 1975 Holy Grail of comedies. Monty Python one of best comedy troupes ever; they are silly, ridiculous, silly, hilarious, and silly. This movie is quintessential Monty Python, and Monty Python is quintessential British humor. The story is about King Arthur gathering up his knights (ki-niggits, as the French taunter calls them) and questing for the Holy Grail.

I first saw this movie in the early 1980s, and it had me and my friends in stitches the entire time. I used to have a cassette tape of the audio from this movie, and I played it in my car for innumerable hours over the years. This week, I bought the DVD. The quality (or lack there of, as intended) and humor stand the test of time.

For Dungeons & Dragons players, this movie is essential viewing — some piece of dialogue can fit just about any D&D gaming scenario, and I’ve never been in a D&D group that at least some players would not recognize the reference. If you play D&D, you should watch this movie; your gaming experiences will be enhanced.

The king and his knights (I can’t help but think, “ki-niggits,” every time I type “knights”) travel about pretending to ride horses while their henchmen clap coconut halves together to make the riding sound. There’s even a long discussion, in the movie, about this gag. They have individual and group escapades:

• Sir Galahad the Chaste being tempted by 150 naughty girls “between the ages sixteen and nineteen and a half.”
• Sir Lancelot responding to a message for help and mistakenly slaughtering a wedding party, “Very sorry. I just get so worked up.”
• The whole clan fleeing from a vicious, little white bunny.

There are so many gags in this story, short one-offs and extended or repeated multiple parters, that it really doesn’t do the movie justice to just mention a few. If you like silly humor, especially in the British style, you will love this movie. If you don’t, this movie will do nothing for you. It is either laugh out loud hilarity, or it is sit with a non-expression, wondering what any idiot could get out of it.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

I’ve just rediscovered Cracker Jack. I haven’t seen, much less eaten, this snack in at least 20 years. On a road trip with the family, I had to stop in a convenience store to pick up some snacks, and I found a near-forgotten childhood memory between the potato chips and pretzels.

Of course I picked up the bag and bought a taste of my youth. It’s in a bag now, instead of the original box. And the pieces are pretty uniformly round, instead of randomly deformed as normal for popped corn.

They taste just as I remember them, popcorn coated with caramel, and mixed with some peanuts. Still great. I highly recommend them.

But has the Cracker Jack treat really been missing for all these years, or have I just not noticed them? Surely they didn’t just fall off my radar? I did some quick looking around the Internet, and I can’t find any reference to Cracker Jack “coming back.” So I have to presume they have always been around through all these years, and I’ve just been a growing old putz with a blind spot. Sad, really.

Now, how about the prize? As it should be, the prize was very near the bottom. I’d eaten probably 80% of the bag before feeling it with my fingers. A small paper packet, about 2″ square, with red and white stripes, the icon characters, Sailor Jack and Bingo, and blue circles with the text:

Surprise Inside
Guess What’s Inside?

Hmm. Um. What the heck is this? Titled “Smart Mouth,” it is a color image of what might be a clam on one side, and is a cow on the other. Perforations and dotted lines criss-cross the images. The numbered directions explain how to fold the paper and then manipulate it to make the picture move. Okay, let’s try this out. Hold please. . .

Alrighty, I see, now. Folding it and manipulating it properly makes it look like the animal’s (the cow in this case) mouth is moving, as if speaking. Kind of cute, in a very simple way. The more I sit here and fiddle with it, the cuter it gets. Clever, sort of.

I manipulated it for the wife, ventriloquizing, “Hey, baby. Gimme a kiss.”

She smiled and said, “It doesn’t take much to entertain you, does it?”

I’ll have to work it for the kids and see their reaction. At the back of the little prize packet, is a “Fun Facts” page:

When triggered, a Venus flytrap closes in less than 100 milliseconds. It takes about 10 days for the trap to digest an insect.

Fun toy and fun facts in one simple paper prize. Edutainment at its finest.

Bullgrit

I just heard the old 80s song “Africa”, by Toto. I really like it, and it brings back great memories of people, places, and events. But something about that song has always kind of nagged at the back of my mind. There’s one line that I’ve never been quite sure about.

So I searched around the Web and found the lyrics. Wow. I don’t know whether the writers (David Paich and Jeff Porcaro) are complete hacks or utter geniuses for putting this line in a pop song:

Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the serengeti

What the hell? Look at that. There’s 20 syllables in that one line. Twenty! One word alone has five syllables. That is not at all what I thought that line said. I’m not even sure I had a solid thought on what that line said, but I’m sure it wasn’t that. What kind of band could manage to work such a line smoothly into a pop song? Toto: a band named after a concussed teenage runaway’s dog. Brilliant.

I’ve always liked Toto’s music. But now I have greater respect for them. And now I can sing along with the song the next time I hear it, and I won’t have to mumble during this line.

I just looked up information about these two mountains, and ironically, Kilimanjaro is considerably taller than Olympus. So singing that the taller mountain in Africa is tall like the shorter mountain in Greece is kind of backward. Hmm. So the simile is bad.

But still, three geographical references (one might also be a mythical reference) in one line of a pop song. Not just anyone could pull that off. Can you imagine Justin Timberlake saying that line? Linkin Park? Shop Boyz? No, you can’t. But Toto? Did it, and had the song hit #1 on the Billboard chart!

Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the serengeti

And now I have that line going through my head, repeatedly.

Bullgrit