I was calling a dentist office to see if they can take me on as a new patient. (My new job is too far away from my old/current dentist office.) I dialed the number and waited. When someone answered, I heard the last couple of syllables of a conversation:

“. . . asshole. Hello, this is XXX Dentistry.”

I wasn’t sure I had heard what I thought I had heard, but I started smiling to myself in humor. Cowgrit, sitting next to me, cocked her head wondering why my face had that expression.

“Um,” I started, “are you taking new patients?”

“Yes, we are. Would you like to set an appointment?”

“No, thanks,” I said, “I just wanted to check first.”

“OK.” There was a pregnant pause, and then the receptionist asked, “Did you hear what was being said when I answered the phone?”

This confirmed that I had heard what I thought I had heard. I started silently laughing hysterically, and Cowgrit whispered, “What’s going on?”

I told the receptionist on the phone, “I thought I might have misheard, but your asking me about it tells me I didn’t.” I was rocking back and forth trying not to laugh out loud.

“I’m sorry, sir,” the receptionist said, “That was not professional, and I apologize. That is not the way we normally act here.” Her voice revealed her embarrassment.

“That’s OK,” I said, “I understand. I’ll call you back when I’m ready to set up an appointment.”

“OK. I’m very sorry.”

I hung up the phone and told Cowgrit what happened. “Don’t go to that dentist,” she said. I let out a full volume laugh.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

June is the month for graduations, so I should do at least one post on the subject. But since there isn’t any grad’ ceremonies in my life right now, let me tell you about an old graduation.

I graduated from high school in 1985; I was 17 years old. I wasn’t feeling real well that day, but we (my family) went to the school ceremony anyway. My step-sister was in my graduating class, too. I felt awful by the end of the pomp, and when we all got home, we took my temperature. 103 degrees.

My mom took me to the doctor the next day. By then I was full on sick and dehydrated, so he sent me to the hospital. I had mononucleosis, or “mono,” or “kissing disease.” I spent the full week after my high school graduation in the hospital.

Funny now, but not so funny then, the main hospital was full so I was bedded in the pediatric wing. Although I didn’t appreciate it then, the peds wing is actually a pretty nice place to be hospitalized. The nurses seem to have a more happy demeanor, the colors are brighter and more cheerful, and Ronald McDonald came to visit one day.

My friends all came by often to hang out — we gabbed like normal, and even played some games, including a short session of Dungeons & Dragons. After the first couple of days, when the IV fluid had restored proper hydration, staying at the hospital was pretty cool. I didn’t have any chores to do — I didn’t even have to make my own bed. Although, I found being waited on for everything a bit uncomfortable — I didn’t particularly like having to sit in a chair and watch a nurse change the sheets on my bed when I felt perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

Although I would rather not have had to go through that illness, it did give me a mildly interesting story to tell about walking across my high school graduation stage with a 103 temperature.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

Helping my mom clean out some old stuff from her attic, we found some old newspapers. (One as old as 1918.) There are some interesting articles in these rags — interesting from the angle of “what was going on in the world and town way back then.”

The movie listing to the right is from August 20, 1981. (I was 14 at that time.) We had four movie theaters in our small town, but two of them wouldn’t last out of the 80s; one didn’t see ’85.

The Paramount and the Park Theater were old-style theaters — one screen, velvet red seats; the Paramount had a balcony, and the Park had mirrored foyer and restroom hall. Neither theater lasted out of the 80s.

The Mall and Plaza theaters were more contemporary for the 80s — dull and boring. They both lasted through the late 90s, but they’re both now churches.

Of the movies shown in the newspaper listing, I saw Zorro the Gay Blade and Heavy Metal in the theater. I saw History of the World on TV many years later. Weapons of Death, I’ve never seen. Of the others mentioned, I think I’ve seen at least part of The Blue Lagoon, on TV many years ago. Deadly Blessing and The Jade Claw don’t sound familiar.

I don’t remember anything about this version of Zorro other than I think I thought it was funny at the time. I remember parts of Heavy Metal and I remember those parts as interesting enough that I’m considering renting it to watch again. History of the World is a beautiful Mel Brooks classic that I remember many parts of.

I considered adding some quotes, here, from History, but the ones I can remember are slightly vulgar or rely on visual gags.

Although all these listed theaters are closed now, there is a new theater in my hometown — it opened this decade — but the couple times I’ve been to it have been disappointing. It looks all modern and good on the outside, but the inside is not as advertised, and the employees are slack at their duties. But then, I’ve been spoiled by the grand theaters in my current home city.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

I got a chance to play the Nintendo Wii. It wasn’t nearly as cool and exciting as I expected it to be. In fact, it was pretty dull as a game system. I played Mario Cart, Wii Sports, and I watched play of No More Heroes.

First off, the control is more gimmick than fun or functional. Everything done with the Wii controller can be done with a normal push-button controller. There was nothing in the game play that felt like it required the full motion swinging and shaking. And concepts that seemed like could be fun with the full motion controller, like sword fighting, was mostly handled by pushing the buttons on the controller. Some things, like the boxing game, was downright aggravating because of the motion controller.

Second, the games themselves were so basic and boring. They played like 1980s Atari games. The baseball game was just: one person pitches, the other person bats. Period. No controlling the fielders, no controlling the runners, and only four pitch options (selected by pushing buttons, not motion).

Boxing was the most aggravating of the games because the action is so fast, but the controlling is so slow, or sloppy. I couldn’t get my boxer on screen to punch when I punched the air, and I couldn’t get him to block (put his gloves up) when I did the move in the air.

The graphics, though smooth, were pathetically bland for a 21st century game. For instance, most of the sports characters had only a body, head, and hand(s) — no legs, no arms. Like I said, it was like old school Atari graphics in 3D.

The last game I played was bowling, and when I realized that I really didn’t need to stand up and go through the motions with the controller, I just sat down and flicked my arm. Playing the Wii takes no more “real” skill than using a normal push-button controller.

Overall, the Wii system is very overrated. It’s pure gimmick with no lasting game play benefit.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com