Calfgrit5 always holds my hand when we walk anywhere together. When we walk down the sidewalk together, when we walk through the mall together. Sometimes even when we’re just walking through our house, or in our yard. This is something he initiates, and I accept with great joy.

Calfgrit9 has outgrown hand-holding, but he held my hand yesterday for the first time in a long while. We were walking down some steep, concrete stairs of a parking deck, and he was a little nervous. The stairs were outside, so we could see how high we were. It was a little disorienting. So each boy held one of my hands while their other hand held the railing as we all walked down.

When we reached the bottom of the stairs, Calfgrit9 held my hand for only another minute before letting go. Calfgrit5 continued to hold my hand as we walked.

It’s such a little thing, really. Holding the hand of a child. But when you realize the time they’ll do it is so fleeting, it’s precious. When they’re first learning to walk, they have to hold your hand for balance. Then as they get good at it, they want to let go and walk (or run) on their own. Then there’s that very short time after they’ve proven they can walk and run on their own, that they come back and will hold your hand.

Calfgrit5 is at this point now, where he realizes that it’s a big world out there, and he feels secure when holding Daddy’s (or Mommy’s) hand. But it won’t be long before he again wants to assert his independence and walk without holding. He’ll want to walk like his big brother, with no safety net in the big world.

The first time he gets out of our car and doesn’t immediately, of his own volition, take my hand, a little part of my heart will die.

Bullgrit

About two days a year, Cowgrit is on call with the hospital, and rarely does the call come in. But this time, she got the call, and she went in to work for the day, on a week day. It’s a change in our schedule, but not a big deal. She goes on to the hospital, I drop the boys off at school, her mom picks them up from school, and I pick them up from her mom.

Since this was an unusual day anyway, I decided to take the boys to McDonald’s for breakfast before dropping them off at school. They both got an order of hotcakes, and ate them like they hadn’t eaten in a week. When we were all finished with breakfast, and about to get up to go on to school, Calfgrit9 told me he didn’t feel well. His throat hurt, and his stomach felt weird. “Actually, it’s kind of my whole body feels weird,” he elaborated.

Hmmm. I was a bit doubtful. For one thing, I just saw him put away three pancakes without complaint. But then again, pancakes are relatively soft, so maybe they wouldn’t aggravate a sore throat.

I was still suspicious. I suspected he was thinking he could trick me into letting him stay home, maybe to watch TV or play with his toys. Did he think I was a sucker compared to his mom?

I asked him was he serious, and I explained to him that if he didn’t go to school he would just have to go to my office with me while I get some work done — I had stuff to finish for a deadline in a couple of days. We wouldn’t just be going home. He said he was serious, and he understood that I had to go to work.

Calfgrit5 had been sick, with a sore throat, the week before, and this fact made me think that Calfgrit9 might have picked up the bug and was just now getting the symptoms. I considered taking him to school anyway and just letting him call me if he got worse. But if he was really sick, and needed me to pick him up immediately from school, well, my office is 45 minutes away.

I weighed all the ideas in my head to determine whether he was truly sick or if he was just playing me to get out of school for the day. I decided to err on the side of maybe he was actually ill. The potential logistics problems of taking him to work with me were less complicated than sending him to school and then having to come back for him.

So we dropped Calfgrit5 off at school for kindergarten. Calfgrit9 had a book to read, and his school backpack, and he came on to my office with me.

At my office, Calfgrit9 sat in the chair across from my desk. He read some of his book. He got down my action figures from my bookshelf and played with them. I gave him an old PC Gamer magazine to look through and read. And I had him do some school work.

In the few hours we were there, I got my work to a good stopping point, and then we left for home. He didn’t once complain about being bored, but he also didn’t seem ill. I was fully believing that he was simply playing me. I got played by a 9 year old.

After leaving my office, we ran some errands to various stores. At home, he played in his room while I got some minor chores done around the house. That afternoon, we picked up Calfgrit5 from school. Calfgrit9 still showed no real signs of being sick.

Yep, I was convinced that I had been duped. Dammit. Not only do I hate being tricked by a 9 year old, but I have to figure out a way to explain to him that lying to get out of school is bad, and will not be tolerated. It’s one thing to just tell a kid that, but then trying to explain how it’s a bad thing even though it just worked perfectly for him . . . well, it ain’t a straight-forward conversation.

But then, about an hour after we got home with his little brother, I found Calfgrit9 in his bed, under his covers. Whoa. A 9 year old putting himself to bed before 5 o’clock in the afternoon?

“I don’t feel good,” he explained when I found him. “I just want to rest.”

I felt of his head and face, but detected no fever. He fell asleep.

That night, after getting Calgrit5 in bed, and when his mother was home, we checked on him. He said his throat hurt very bad. We did the usual care and medications to help him through the night. The next morning, his throat hurt so bad he couldn’t talk.

I went on to work as normal, and Cowgrit handled things at home as normal. She took Calfgrit9 to the doctor and found out he had a virus of some sort. He ended up missing another day of school. Then he got better after another day.

So, he hadn’t been faking illness just to get out of school. He truly must have felt bad, or “weird” as he put it, and he wasn’t playing me as I suspected. I swear, I can’t rely on fatherly instincts one way or another. I’m sad he got sick, but I’m glad I trusted him against what I thought was evidence against trust.

Bullgrit

Picture a handful of 30-something to 50-something guys sitting around a kitchen table playing board games, war games, and role playing games sometimes till after midnight. We were often loud and silly, like a gang of 13-year old boys. I miss my weekly game nights.

Although I hadn’t gamed with my group in a number of months because of my recent change of schedule, I was and am still very grateful to our hostess, the wife of one of our group. She was always friendly, accommodating, and even forgiving of our sometimes borish behavior. Though she didn’t participate in our gaming, she did talk with us and laugh with us as we revelled in our nerdy pastimes. I respected and appreciated her.

She passed away, of cancer, this week. This saddens me, and my heart goes out to her family.

Goodbye, Belinda, and thank you for your hospitality.

Bullgrit

I took my boys to Marbles Kid’s Museum on Sunday. It’s been wet around here for a few days, so they haven’t had much really active outdoor play lately. I had heard that Marbles is great for kid activity — Cowgrit has taken our boys before — but I had never been.

It’s an impressive place. There’s a lot of square footage full of kids play areas. At the back of the building is a big ol’ wooden ship, (well, the front half of a ship). After an hour playing around elsewhere in the museum, the boys wanted to go play in the “pirate ship.”

I sat down on a bench and partially nodded off on short naps while the boys ran and played through the ship with the other dozen or two kids. During my intermittent wakeful moments, I saw kids sweeping the decks, brushing the railings, and running in and out of the ship with odds and ends from a nearby “science submarine” play area.

At one point, I heard a little girl mention she was bringing something to the ship captain. After I gave up actually getting any kind of real nap sleep, I got up from my bench and went to explore this ship. I entered the lower deck to look around. The ceiling is only about 5 feet high, so I, (and the couple of other adults there), had to bend over pretty far to move around.

I heard another couple of kids say they were cleaning the ship for the captain. The thought ran through my mind, “It would be just like Calfgrit9 to assume the role of ‘captain’ with all these kids around.” He wasn’t the only 8-10 year old among all the 4-7 year olds, but he likes being in control.

I made my way up the stairs to the main deck. There’s a captain’s quarters at the back of the main deck, (with a third deck above that), and that’s exactly where I found Calfgrit9 sitting in state. He sat in a chair with his right arm propped up on a table beside him and his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles before him. He had the air of a monarch on his throne as younger kids came in and asked what he wanted them to do.

He directed one kid to run up the flag at the front of the ship. He told another to take something to the play area next to the ship. The kids immediately did as ordered. They all seemed to enjoy having duties, and Calfgrit9 surely enjoyed being in command of his domain.

I left my oldest boy to his command, and I roamed the main deck and above. Eventually, Calgrit5 came to me and complained that his brother wouldn’t let him be captain. “Daddy, come with me and let me be captain,” he said.

So I declared him my captain and asked for his orders. We went and checked the treasure map painted next to the ship’s wheel. He determined where we should navigate, and I stood at the wheel to steer us. He ran to the flag pole and ran up the ship’s colors. After that, we went to and fro about the ship’s decks doing the odds and ends that he thinks sailors do.

After a while, Calfgrit5 wanted to explore other areas of Marbles. I talked with Calfgrit9 about our intentions, and he wanted to stay on the ship for longer. We talked it out, and he would stay there at the ship, (continuing his captain role), while the little one and I went to the other areas of the museum.

Calfgrit5 and I worked with real tools in the woodworking shop area, and we played with the giant Lego blocks building and knocking down towers. When closing time approached, we went back and retrieved Calfgrit9 — he had played captain for two solid hours.

Fun was had by all. Calgrit5 got to experiment with many different activities, and Calfgrit9 got to be in command of a crew of pirates. I don’t know if Calfgrit9’s personality is a sign of being a future leader or a sign of megalomania.

Bullgrit