Crime and Reporting

From the police blotter in my local newspaper, October 30, 2008:

A suspect was reported to have exited a house on Lost Tree Lane about 10 a.m. Oct. 18 with a beer in his hand and driving away in a maroon 2001 Ford. Credit cards that were in a wallet in the vehicle were later used at at least one area convenience store. A warrant has been issued.

^ Geez, how vague can this report be? No description of the “suspect” other than he had a beer in his hand? They tell the year model of the Ford, but not whether it’s even a car or truck? And what’s the guy a suspect for? Did they just issue a warrant for “a guy with a beer in his hand, driving a maroon 2001 Ford”?

Someone entered a garage on Strathorn Drive between 10 p.m. Oct. 16 and 6:45 a.m. Oct. 17. A bicycle valued at $6,100 and a case of beer were taken from the garage. An iPod was taken from a vehicle in the garage. Entry was apparently made through an unlocked side door.

^ Holy moly! A bicycle worth over six thousand bucks? I love that the thief took a case of beer with the bike. Can you imagine the guy trying to ride away with a case of beer under his arm?

An air-conditioning unit was taken from behind Sweet Traditions Bakery, 328 N. Harrison Ave., between 3 p.m. Oct. 21 and 3:30 p.m. Oct. 22.

^ What the hell? Who steals an air-conditioning unit?

Unfortunately for the thief, the unit will never cool properly, now — it’s hot. [Ow, yeah that’s a horrible joke. I’ll probably delete this whole line when I go back and proofread it later.]

Someone broke the front driver’s-side window of a vehicle at Modus Media, 501 Innovation Ave., between 6:30 p.m. Oct. 22 and 2:30 a.m. Oct. 23. A two-ton jack and loose change were taken.

^ OK, okay, think about this. Someone stole a two-ton jack and swiped up some loose change. Obsessive/compulsive?

I rarely read the local newspaper, and even when I do, I don’t think I’ve ever read the local police blotter. But after this time, I’m definitely going to check it out every chance I get in the future. This stuff is just damned entertaining.

Bullgrit