A favorite post from the past:

June 10, 2008 — When I Was a Superhero

Bullgrit

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I don’t mean to be an ass, but sometimes . . . I just am. Sometimes my don’t-say-it filter just fails me and I say, or do, something I really shouldn’t. Cowgrit is usually pretty good about letting me know when I’ve said or done something stupid, after the event — like at night when we’re going to bed.

So I’ve requested that she let me know when I’m being an ass, right at the time I’m saying or doing the wrong thing. But she said she doesn’t want to just tell me in front of other people. “Bullgrit, you’re being stupid,” may be the best way to bring the situation to my attention, but she doesn’t want to embarrass me.

That’s cool, and I appreciate her empathy for my feelings. So I had to think of some way she could let me know without being rude to me. I suggested we use a sign. I told her to use her index finger to just gently pull down the corner of her eye, like she’s scratching her face.

“But,” she said, “you’ll give me wrinkles.”

Bullgrit

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Last night I watched This is Spinal Tap on VH1, Last Stand of the 300 on History Channel, Ron White on Comedy Central, and Destroyed in Seconds on Discovery all at the same time. Then I watched the Roast of Bob Saget on Comedy Central, Deal or No Deal on whatever channel is one above Comedy Central (I was curious, I’d never seen it before), and Family Guy on some channel I don’t remember, again, all at the same time.

Cowgrit wanted me to come to bed and talk.

“But, but, I’m watchin’ . . . stuff,” I retorted.

She was not impressed with my multitasking. If I was just watching one show, I could have broken free. I could have turned off the TV and gone to bed. But I was watching four shows! You can’t ask a man to give up on four shows. I was seeing more TV in one night than I had seen in all the previous month.

I was in the TV-watching zone. I had the pattern of switching through the channels down perfect — I was following four different stories without missing one scene in any of them. It’s easy for a man to keep up with two TV shows at one time by switching back and forth with the remote. Following three shows is a challenge, but following four shows is a downright god-like feat.

I was on a whole new level. You can’t just break that off to talk. I mean, heck, we talk every day. We’ll talk again tomorrow. I won’t get to see this much TV again for months. But then, when I did turn off the TV and go to the bedroom, I found she had closed the door. She never closes the door on me, unless she’s pissed.

“Uh oh,” I thought, “maybe we won’t be talking tomorrow.”

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

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June is the month for graduations, so I should do at least one post on the subject. But since there isn’t any grad’ ceremonies in my life right now, let me tell you about an old graduation.

I graduated from high school in 1985; I was 17 years old. I wasn’t feeling real well that day, but we (my family) went to the school ceremony anyway. My step-sister was in my graduating class, too. I felt awful by the end of the pomp, and when we all got home, we took my temperature. 103 degrees.

My mom took me to the doctor the next day. By then I was full on sick and dehydrated, so he sent me to the hospital. I had mononucleosis, or “mono,” or “kissing disease.” I spent the full week after my high school graduation in the hospital.

Funny now, but not so funny then, the main hospital was full so I was bedded in the pediatric wing. Although I didn’t appreciate it then, the peds wing is actually a pretty nice place to be hospitalized. The nurses seem to have a more happy demeanor, the colors are brighter and more cheerful, and Ronald McDonald came to visit one day.

My friends all came by often to hang out — we gabbed like normal, and even played some games, including a short session of Dungeons & Dragons. After the first couple of days, when the IV fluid had restored proper hydration, staying at the hospital was pretty cool. I didn’t have any chores to do — I didn’t even have to make my own bed. Although, I found being waited on for everything a bit uncomfortable — I didn’t particularly like having to sit in a chair and watch a nurse change the sheets on my bed when I felt perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

Although I would rather not have had to go through that illness, it did give me a mildly interesting story to tell about walking across my high school graduation stage with a 103 temperature.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

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Helping my mom clean out some old stuff from her attic, we found some old newspapers. (One as old as 1918.) There are some interesting articles in these rags — interesting from the angle of “what was going on in the world and town way back then.”

The movie listing to the right is from August 20, 1981. (I was 14 at that time.) We had four movie theaters in our small town, but two of them wouldn’t last out of the 80s; one didn’t see ‘85.

The Paramount and the Park Theater were old-style theaters — one screen, velvet red seats; the Paramount had a balcony, and the Park had mirrored foyer and restroom hall. Neither theater lasted out of the 80s.

The Mall and Plaza theaters were more contemporary for the 80s — dull and boring. They both lasted through the late 90s, but they’re both now churches.

Of the movies shown in the newspaper listing, I saw Zorro the Gay Blade and Heavy Metal in the theater. I saw History of the World on TV many years later. Weapons of Death, I’ve never seen. Of the others mentioned, I think I’ve seen at least part of The Blue Lagoon, on TV many years ago. Deadly Blessing and The Jade Claw don’t sound familiar.

I don’t remember anything about this version of Zorro other than I think I thought it was funny at the time. I remember parts of Heavy Metal and I remember those parts as interesting enough that I’m considering renting it to watch again. History of the World is a beautiful Mel Brooks classic that I remember many parts of.

I considered adding some quotes, here, from History, but the ones I can remember are slightly vulgar or rely on visual gags.

Although all these listed theaters are closed now, there is a new theater in my hometown — it opened this decade — but the couple times I’ve been to it have been disappointing. It looks all modern and good on the outside, but the inside is not as advertised, and the employees are slack at their duties. But then, I’ve been spoiled by the grand theaters in my current home city.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

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While in my hometown, my mom and I stopped by the local grocery store to pick up a few items. You can’t find Piggly Wiggly stores everywhere in the country, but they’re scattered here and there at least in my home state.

We went to the store to pick up some steak and other items for a standard grill out, but while in the meat section I saw some items I haven’t seen in a few years.

I’ve known people who ate these things, some in my family, but I don’t know anyone who eats them now. (No, I’ve never eaten these things.) I would have thought this kind of fare was a lost taste, but finding them in the grocery, prominently displayed in a large selection tells me there’s still folks who like this stuff.

Pig feet. The only way to make these look and smell nastier is to pickle them.

Pig feet for the whole family.

Pig ears. The dropped blood on the package just shouts, “Come and get it!”

Pig skins. Okay, I’ll admit that I have eaten these — although not in at least 25 years.

I also took a picture of a package of chitlins (pig intestines), but the image was too bad to tell what they were.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

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The boys and I saw part of a TV program showing a martial arts expert breaking bricks. Calfgrit7 asked me to stop on that channel to see what was going on. We’ve seen part of this show before, but I don’t know the name of it. They use science to check sports facts and myths (it’s not Mythbusters), and this particular episode was checking if shouting or grunting made any real difference in an athlete’s power.

We watched a guy break 10 concrete bricks with his forearms with and without a yell. He did better with the yell. In discussing what we were seeing, why he wanted to yell, I mentioned that I had broken concrete bricks, myself. Calfgrit7 was interested in this. I said, “I think we have a video of my black belt test.” I looked through our family videos, and sure enough, there was my Tae Kwon Do black belt test tape.

I took it off the shelf and pushed it into the VCR. I earned my black belt in TKD just a couple months before Calfgrit7 was born, and though I tried to keep up some self training at home for a couple years, I haven’t done any real training in the years that he can remember. So watching this video was a first for him seeing his dad doing “cool stuff” like fighting (sparring) and breaking things with punches and kicks.

He saw me defending against an attacker, and he was impressed when I knocked or twisted the guy down. I explained that this was just a test to show that I knew the moves for how to defend myself, and that we weren’t really hitting hard enough to hurt each other. But then the video came to the sparring — actual fighting, with padding on our heads, torsos, fists, and feet. I was fighting two guys at once, and we could hear the audience around the camera cheering me on. It was actually pretty exciting to watch. I mean, it’s no Ultimate Fighting Challenge in the Octagon, but it was me, Calfgrit7’s daddy in action.

And then he saw me fall down — hey, I was fighting two guys at one time, who both already had their black belts! — and he laughed. Okay, enough of the fighting . . . I fast forwarded the video to me getting ready to break two concrete bricks. At the time of the video, I had only broken one brick at a time before, twice. In the video, I approached the bricks, held up by two concrete cinder blocks, and got into position for a downward smash with my right hand. I took a couple of slow line up moves, and then stood up and back away.

“Are you going to break them, Daddy,” Calfgrit7 asked.

“Yes,” I said. “I’m just getting ready.”

I was intently watching my face on the video. This was the first time I’ve watched this since right after the test, but I could remember what was going on in my head and body at that time. For one thing, I was very tired, exhausted. Before the bricks were set up, I had already been doing calisthenics, maneuvers, defenses, and sparring for half an hour, in front of an audience (the part I hated the most). I knew I couldn’t let the tiredness make me sloppy or else I’d just smack the top brick and hurt myself.

In the video, I stepped up to the bricks again, and got into position. Watching the video, I was getting excited again. I glanced over at Calfgrit7 and saw him watching intently. I noticed even Calfgrit3 was watching now.

My video self struck down and smashed through the two blocks with a strong yell. Hearing the applause on the video made me feel proud. (I don’t remember hearing the applause live. I was very much in a zone.)

“Wow,” Calfgrit7 said.

I beamed at him.

“Have you ever broken as many as that guy on the sports show?” he asked.

“Uh, no.” I said, hearing some of the hot air hissing out of my ego balloon. “I only broke two.”

And then everyone’s attention went elsewhere.

Bullgrit
bullgrit@totalbullgrit.com

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