Last week, Wifegrit called me at work shouting that there was a “giant snake” trying to get into our garage. She was very upset, so I immediately jumped in my truck and raced home. Unfortunately, it takes me 35 minutes to get home, so by the time I got there she had scared it off into the woods behind our house. I was proud of her even though she admits her scaring it off was by yelling and screaming in terror.
I was disappointed that I couldn’t get home in time to take care of it myself. I wanted to be a hero. *sigh*
But then my chance came a few days later when I was actually already at home. I got the alert that there was a “really big spider” in our garage trying to get into the house proper. Well, I will protect my home and family against any intruder, two legs, no legs, or eight! I rushed downstairs ready to deal with the arachnid intruder.
“Ya broke into the wrong goddamn recroom, didn’t cha, ya bastard!”
OK, okay, I didn’t shoot the monster. (Especially not aiming like that, against that concrete floor.)
I got a paper towel, reached down relatively gently, and scooped it up. I took it out into the far edge of the yard and let it go. So long as the snakes and spiders stay in the yard or woods, out of the house, they’re welcome to do their natural business.