At my work office (not my home office) I had closed my door for a little privacy while I ate lunch. A while later, a coworker came by and knocked on the door.

I said, “Yeah, come in.”

Nothing.

I repeated, “Come in.”

Nothing.

I got up and opened the door to let him in. We did our business, and when he was leaving he told me my door had been locked. I checked the handle, and sure enough, it was locked.

I turned the little switch on the inside handle and tried the outside handle again. It was still locked. I don’t have a key for this door; when I first got this office, I was told who to contact for a key if I wanted one. But I’ve never needed one, as I’ve never tried to lock it, and I never even close it when I’m outside the room.

I turned the little switch back, and it was still locked. I tried several different ways of unlocking the thing -– switch horizontal, switch vertical, turning the inside handle, turning the outside handle, and any combination I could think of –- but nothing worked. Well, I guess it’s broken, I thought. I didn’t worry about it anymore that day. I just didn’t shut the door again.

The next day, when I came in in the morning, I fiddled with the lock some more. I went through all the permutations of switch settings and turnings several times again, but it still wouldn’t unlock. Oh well, it must be broken.

Later in the day, when I passed the receptionist’s desk, I told the two women there that the lock on my office door was broken. One helpfully explained, “You just turn the little knob on the inside handle.”

“Yeah, I tried that,” I said. “Up, down, both handles, I can’t get it to unlock.” I made sure to explain that my door is open, so I can get in my office, but I can’t close it for not being able to unlock it.

They said they’d get a repair man out to fix it for me, and I thanked them.

An hour or so later, she called me to learn where my office was in the building (I’m new here). I gave her directions. “I’ve called the repair people,” she said. “Someone will be here in a while.”

“OK, thanks,” I said.

A couple hours later, the receptionist called me again. The repair man was on site, and I need to meet him at the elevators on my floor. I went and met the repair guy. We greeted briefly, and I took him to my office.

He tested the lock and popped it right open. “It works,” he said.

“What the?” I stammered.

“You just push it in to lock it, and turn this inside handle to unlock it,” he said, as he popped it open in illustration of my moronity. [Yeah, I made that word up.]

“Oh my God,” I sighed.

“It happens all the time,” he said. “We gets lots of calls like this. Don’t worry about it.”

I apologized for getting him called all the way out here.

“Hey, this is the easiest call I’ve had all day,” he said with a smile. “I don’t mind.”

He went on back out the way he came in, and I was left standing there, looking at that damn door handle. I locked it and unlocked it a couple times –- it worked just fine. But of course it’s easy when you know the “combination.” And even so, I swear I performed that combination of switch and handle at least once in my attempts to figure it out that morning.

Man, I really hope he just told the receptionists that he “fixed the door.” I hope they don’t think I’m an idiot for being unable to unlock my own door handle. I mean, really, I work with some pretty damn complicated and expensive products, but I can’t open a $5 door lock.

Bullgrit

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