Each year, my family asks me what I want for Christmas. And every year I tell them the same thing: “I don’t know.” I know it’s obnoxious, but I really don’t know.

When I think or see something I want, I buy it. I needed a new set of headphones for my office computer, so when I was in Target one day last week, I bought a pair. Only afterward did it dawn on me that I could tell someone about my need and let them get me the headphones.

Also, some things I want I’m real particular about. Like, I’ve been wanting an Incredible Hulk action figure for many months, now. But all the ones I see in the stores aren’t like what I want. I want one that’s to scale with my Captain America and Iron Man action figures, and I want him in his classic attire (torn purple pants). So I can’t just tell anyone that I want “a Hulk action figure” because they probably wouldn’t get me the one I really want. (I can’t even find the one I really want.)

The only things I want that I have found, and I haven’t bought for myself yet are much too expensive to tell someone about. A new flat- & wide-screen TV, a new car, etc. I mean, when Aunt May asks, “What’s something you’d like for Christmas?” I can’t really respond with “A 2009 black Mustang.”

So what I end up getting for Christmas are gift certificates to Barnes & Noble or Target or Toys R Us. And although family members who give me the certs think they’re not good gifts, I think they’re great. In fact, I don’t even see the certs as certs.

I look at a B&N certificate and I immediately see Wil Wheaton’s latest book or a Frank Miller graphic novel. Target certificates, I see a new computer game or a new book shelf for holding my ever-expanding D&D junk. Toys R Us certs, I see a McFarlane action figure or a Lego Star Wars spaceship model.

This is all stuff that I haven’t bought for myself yet, but no one could pick out for me on their own. My tastes aren’t really high-society, but they’re pretty damn complicated.

Bullgrit

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